Gotta have me my boats n hoes.

Yaaaay for another skype daaate <3

I should get another tomorrow, hopefully :D We talked for about an hour, mostly about nothing and everything as usual. Now he wants a boat -____- lol. I'd rather him have a boat than another fast car though, so I'm definitely pushing for him to get a boat when we get to California. He doesn't like me working when he's home since we don't really need me to work in the first place, so a second car isn't that big of a deal to me right now. We can always afford to get me a second car if it becomes too much of a hassle, since his reenlistment bonus will be paying off his 2010 Focus, and we'll be selling his truck once he's home since that was just a big mistake of a money pit that the car dealers were nice enough to completely hide from us >:( F U Gary's. So yeah, boat is so happening. Nothing big, just big enough for us to have 6 or so people. He sent me a link to one he likes, and it's $5,500. It looks really nice too. I can wait to get one. I might want something a little bigger, so I can take some of my friends out and we can all lay out on it or something, though. Maybe spend a little more to get something a bit more substantial, I don't know. I'm sure Mark won't mind me asking for something better lol.

This Friday was "Costume Day" at work. I made myself a mario costume that was pretty friggin epic if you ask me:

I definately spruced up the 'stache for the big day, though. It was full blown certified mario-tastic.

Today I cleaned my kitchen counters. It took me an hour -____- I took everything off of them, cleaned the counters, stove, and the stainless backsplash behind the stove. Then I did the dishes (le gasp), and put everything back on the counters in the perfect place. Then I went through the junk drawer and took care uh bidnis in there. It's so neat now :) And I have so much more counter space now that I put things in better places. I still really want to install another cabinet next to the damn fridge, above the microwave, though. I just need more counter space. OH! That reminds me, I was going to look for a cute little dishes set that comes in one of those plate holders that you can set on our counter! **off to google and amazon**

Okay okay, I'll wait until I'm done blogging to shop online and get myself into trouble lol.

I woke up around noon, ate two eggs and half of a whole bagel, toasted and buttered... and then I went to work on the kitchen, so I didn't eat a second meal today D: But I made up for that by going to Chick-Fil-A about an hour ago and gettin' me my Spicy Chicken Delux. Insert swoon. That shit has become my new obsession. I eat one like twice a month! It's only 570 calories (ignore the fact that it's probably got a bazillion times the sodium I'm supposed to eat) and it fills me up so it's the perfect dinner for me.

Now I'm just chillin' watchin Hoarders (well I had to pause it so I could blog, I kept getting distracted) and now, since this has reminded me, I'm off to online shop :) Yaaaaaay.

I wanna touch the earth. I wanna break it in my hands.

That's how I feel right now. Not in a free spirit kind of way... in a literal way.

I want this all to be over. No more ports, no more surprises, no more deployment. I want my husband back. I'm tired of being alone, and I'm tired of pretending I have it all together when inside I just want to break everything around me. I'm tired of being tough.

I want to go out and have fun. I want to go to a movie. I want to go go-kart racing. Hell, I want to go and do ANYTHING but nothing. And I want to do all of that with my husband. I have no friends here, no family. It's just me and two dogs that eat everything because their momma can't give them the attention they're used to.

I want to stop worrying about saving money. I want to spend some every now and then too. I want to buy new clothes, and new video games. I want to go out to eat with friends too. I want to DRINK. You know what... that sounds like an excellent idea... Irish Creme & Butterscotch schnapps is about to me in my hand...... And it's right next to me now..... And now it's in my belly. Well I added four shots for it, so probably 1 of the 4 shots in in my belly anyway. It's about to be all in my belly... and there it went. If only the schnapps were easier on my throat, and those four shots didn't make me go over my calorie limit for today by 80 calories. Anyway... where were we.

Today just is not my day. Moments of weakness, we'll call it. I'm PMSing so I'm sure that has a lot to do with it. I just want to go to bed, but I'm clinging to the thought that Mark might call tonight since he said he'd call when he wakes up... so I should get a call before or around midnight at the latest. I'm also clinging to the possibility of him getting on Skype with me before I go to work tomorrow... which I so desperately need right now. He pulled a douche bag move (again) this port, and I really just want to be happy that he's having fun, but it's hard when my social life is dying because I want to save, and his is thriving because he wants to spend every port... but that's not what I came on here to talk about.

I'm just tired of being the person that everybody looks at and says "Wow, you're taking this deployment really well!" It makes me proud that people think that of me, it really does feel good... but I know it's not true. To be honest, the original reason I came on to blog was to make a list of all the things that make me happy right now... to try and help myself get out of this funk... but right now I just need to be weak. I need to vent it out, and it needs to be heard, even if nobody is listening. I am not as strong as everybody thinks I am. I am hurting just as much as all of you are... I've just gotten used to being able to cover my feelings up with a smile.

Am I The Only One Who Wants To Have Fun Tonight??

Uhg... I need friends D: lol how sad does that sound? I can't wait for september, when my co-worker turns 21! She said she probably wasn't going to go out, but I'm making sure our asses get lit as fuck haha I haven't drank in a pretty long time, I rarely drink as it is, but I've been longing to chase a shot (or three) of tequila with a swig of red bull & vodka. I'll probably have her take a trip with me to Top Hat, since it's a quieter bar with pool tables and a karaoke bar that DH and I used to go to with a couple of our friends before they left us for San Diego (that's who we're chasing with our PCSing to San Diego lol.) I'm pretty excited about that whole thing... my calorie counter isn't though, I'm sure. Opps!

So I weighed myself a few days ago, and as you can see my ticker has gone from 0 lbs lost to 4 lbs lost! In only ten days! I think I'll start weighing myself more often, maybe every monday? I like seeing that number go up, and I especially cannot wait for it to finally hit 19 pounds, which means I'll be at 130!! I should be there by september, even though I usually ignore calorie counting every other week or so. Yesterday I ate about 1700 calories... I'm only supposed to eat 1200 a day. Again, Opps!

Oh and I finally got my eyes examed today! Monday my coloured contacts will be ordered and hopefully here before long! Of course, I will post bookuu pictures of me and my green eyes. The women asked what color, I said green... but there is hazel green and jade green. Bitch best have put jade green or I'm gunna spaz out.... I didn't know there were two different greens until I got home... this is why I hate walmart, and that was the first time I went there in 4 months. I needed more stuff that Walmart would have, but I went to Target instead. I'm just too lazy to make an appointment to get my eyes done and Walmart is the only place I knew to go that I didn't need an appointment for. I know, I'm a disgrace to non-Walmart shoppers everywhere. I will say it one last time... wait for it... here it comes... you ready?... Opps!

I'll come back when you call me, no need to say goodbye.

Okay I LOVE Regina Spektor... so now why the fuck have I never heard this song before?

The Call

I love how abrupt yet delicate her voice is, and this song really hits close to home <3

I found it while looking for cute lyrics for this title, since I was going to start off complaining about how I didn't get a phone call from Dh this weekend yes, like he said he'd try to do lol

I don't have much to write about, but I haven't written in "a minute" as you youngins like to say... so I felt it was my duty to write something... anything.

So yeah... hmm... something else to write about... something something something...

I'm finishing up a couple carepackages tonight? Yeah! That's something to talk about! I've had two boxes waiting to leave, but DH made our checking account broke, and I didn't want to go into our savings so I just waiting until our next payday (which just came a few days ago, woot) so I could send them with my next two boxes.

Fruit? √

Nothing else? √

lol I'm going to go to Walmart soon to get the rest :P Flash drives, razors, The Tudors box set, (hopefully they have it...) Camelot Season 1, some mio, plastic spoons... and I think I'll sneak some nature valley crunchy granola bars in there for him to indulge in as well :P

Tomorrow is Open House at my job, so I'll be working in the morning, then working the open house, and hopefully I'll be so busy that I won't eat TOO big of a meal for lunch so that I can eat this skillet meal I got... steak & pasta gorgonzola or something like that? lol. It's 730 calories a serving, so this shit better be worth my not just getting a Spicy Chicken Sandwhich from Chick-fil-a instead!

The weather as been awesome lately, as well. Upper 80's. Here soon I'll be able to just leave the windows open and turn off the a/c <3 I can't wait. That's my favorite time, all that fresh air? Uhgg I'm melting just thinking about it!

It only hurts when I breath.

My abs hurt so goood. I worked out again, second day in a row when I usually only work out every other day. I kind of want to go back to the gym and do more cardio o.O I might start going every day... I feel like even though I get bored while I'm there, afterwards I can't wait to go back. I worked out with a co-worker today, and we did ab work outs, which I haven't added onto my routine yet; I've only been doing cardio. I'm going to slowly add working out my upper body to that as well, but my upper body is weak as shit balls, so with time it will come, I'm sure. Today I did something I've never been able to do... I lasted 10 minutes on this half stair climber half elliptical type machine! I'm usually internally screaming bloody murder by 4 minutes, but this time I went ten and probably could have done five more o.O And that was only the third time I've used that machine! I'm learning how to block out the "pain" :D Much quicker than I'm usually able to numb my pain. I've always noticed I could choose to feel pain and not, like with tattoos, needles, dental tools (insert suspicious look here), but of course the burn of working out is a little more of a challenge for me, since I never really worked out regularly before these past few weeks. I really hope my motivation continues. I even found a new ab work out machine that I enjoy. You know how you do sit ups with a ball and throw it to your partener who stands in front of you? Well this machine is like that, only you throw the ball to a target in a little ball return thing. It's actually pretty fun haha. My lower abs still such balls, so I need to find something I can do with that still, but I'm sure I'l figure it out :)

I also recently talked to Mark about getting colored contacts. As you can see from the picture I posted in this entry, I'm going with green. I asked Mark if he wanted me to get green or blue, and he said "whichever ones look more like fuck me eyes" -___- leave it to a man. Green definitely won out by a long shot... so much that I really kind of want to get more than one pair... but I'm pretty sure they're like 30 dollar a pair, and I can't afford that right now. Maybe once he reenlists, or I can have him let me get like three pair (one in blue to mix it up) for my birthday instead of getting photoshop... even though I'll probably try and sucker him into letting me get three pair of colored contacts AND photoshop bahaha shhhh! I almost went and got them today, but I got home and (as usual) got distracted so I'll stick to waiting a few more weeks as planned. I still need to go to Walmart (uhhhhhgggg... but it's the only place I know around here that accepts tricare, and I'm too lazy to find a "real" optometrist) and get my eye exam done... I don't even know if tricare does contact exams, though... either way I'm gettin them bitches haha a year supply of regular, and a couple pair of green and 1 pair of blue if all goes as planned. I am too excited. I reaallly want to get extensions before Mark comes home as well... so maybe I'll suck up and ask for those for my birthday instead of photoshop since I already know I'm good to get at least 1 pair of colored contacts with my regular contacts. The picture I posted above really makes me miss my long hair.

Oh, and as you might have seen, I spiffed up my blog a little. I did at adsense, and put an add to the bottom left hand, under everything, I doubt it'll make me much, but click away m'lovers ;D I also added Google Plus One feature, so you can +1 posts that you like! I also added a facebook "like" gadget to the left as well, so that you guys can share my blog with your facebook friends! I would really appreciate it if you guys shared the love! I'm also definitely open to any suggestions for cool gadgets or other things you'd like to see on the page as well :)

Have a good week, guys! I'm sure I'll post again before the week is over, though, at the rate I've been updating.

I'll make you banana pancakes. Pretend like it's the weekend now...

Okay or tortilla pancakes... and it is the weekend. Jack Johnson ALMOST had it though, yes?

My brother is, as we speak, making a dough ball for tortillas... only we don't have baking mix, so he decided to risk making the tortillas taste like pancakes, and used some bisquick. Lets see how this plays out... He's pretty excited about this whole thing lol

edit: Tortilla's are a (delicious) go! And they don't taste like pancakes, woohoo! lol

I worked this morning, and afterwards I got my skinny chick on :) I did about 40 minutes on the treadmill and then a whole 5 minutes on the stair master in between 20 minute treadmill because I'm a failure and can't do ten minutes lol then I did a couple dance central songs because I felt the music inside of me and all that jazz.

I wanted to lay out but I decided I'd only be out there for like 20 minutes before I said fuck this and came back inside like I did last time I went out, so I decided to skip that process.

So yeah... that's my little update. Look at me keeping up with this shit again (: I'm so thoughtful.

I who have nothing.

I have been an emotional wreck this passed week. Definitely a rocky stretch of road for this deployment, but I should pull out of it shortly, I hope. I'll try to keep the negative emotions out of my posts, and keep them positive, as I always try to be... I think o.O

Today was a busy day. I woke up and did nothing for about an hour, but then I went to the gym, came home and layed out in my backyard, then waited for my friend to get off work so I could go to her apartment on the beach for a nice relaxing evening. I almost stopped by ABC Liquor, to try out the new purple Hpnotiq, Harmonie I think it's called? I truly regret not giving into the temptation right about now, I'll tell you that much lmao I could use a nice strong drink... even if it is girly. I think next weekend I'm going to try to get Jolene to go out drinking with me. I could really go for a nice (and strong) buzz. It all depends on my work schedule, though.

I planned on sending Mark his carepackages tomorrow, but due to unforseen (and douchey) circumstances I'm going to have to wait until next payday. I'll just make another box or two since it's been so long, and I know my damn husband isn't going to spend a bazillion dollars in some far away country. Gotta love ports lol.

We finally got rid of our old washer/dryer as well. A friend came and picked it up today, so hopefully it works, otherwise I'm going to feel like an asshole lol. It's been sitting in the carport for a pretty long time... lets hope the carport is a good place to keep an out of service but (hopefully) still working washer/dryer unit.

I really need to fix the stupid moped that is in the little room under our carport too.. it's an old vespa still in mint condition, so once I put the new clutch cable on it we can probably sell it for a nice chunk of change, which will be awesome :) I think I'll have mark take it to Cali to sell, though... a lot more people there to work with than here. We'd probably get more money for it in San Diego.

Oh, and I just finished watching all the seasons of The Tudors... I got bored after Jane Seymour, though, so I'm glad it's over. Especially how boring the old age episodes were... you can only see the same episode so many times before you get it... he marries, she's either not religious enough, not the right religion, or a whore. We get it. Oh and we also understand that pretty much everybody close to you will eventually die. Lovely. NEXT. It started out so good, too :/

Welp, that's my update for now. kthnxbai.

Another one bites the dust...

Welp, that's that. This morning was the second and last skype date I will have with my husband until they port again. He's got duty for the rest of the time they're ported, so we're S.O.L. from here on out. I almost cried, but he cheered me back up, no problem :)

I was supposed to stop to work this morning, but that kind of side tracked me. I only got like 6 hours of sleep (which might be normal for everybody else, but I'm lazy, remember!) so I took a "little" nap, and woke up too late. I had to take out some money, and then spend some of it so I had ten dollars to give to work for something special ;D I got a little vase with flowers for my side table... I could not find ANYTHING at ross that I wanted, so I ended up just finding the little vase at kirklands. I definitely didn't want to not find something and end up spending it on fast food, I've been doing great with my eating... I was really craving a large coke though so I had to spend at least 5 dollars before I left that parking lot to get my ten dollars flat I needed, rather than hoping they had change for a twenty lol

Tomorrow I have a day off (boo/yay) so I'll FINALLY be sending out Marks second care package. With me getting a new job I've been way busy... I've been living with only 1 working outlet in my living room because I haven't had the time to call an electrician and everything. I'm hopeless without Mark to do all the boring stuff D: I've got an extension cord going from the entertainment center into a working outlet, though so I'm good; just waiting for more savings? lol That sounds like a reasonable excuse, right?

Oh! I totally forgot to share a line from DH that put me on cloud 9... I still go there every time I think of it <3

"I can’t wait to have kids I think about it all the time now; I am very excited to be a daddy. I have a very strong feeling that we are going to have a baby girl for some reason. Which doesn’t bother me at all, I don’t know where its coming from but I just feel like that is going to be our first."

Uhgggg, swoon! It made me cry and everything <3 I am so completely in love with this man.

Well I'm off to catch up on two of my 6 (yes six D:) hours of DVR recordings before I go off to work again! kbaaaiiii!

Ain't no sunshine when he's gone

Guess who got to see their husband for the first time in 3 months (and 7 days...) This girrrl! This morning I was pretty pissed... but that's a long story and I'll save you all the drama... but long story short I woke up at 6am to see him before I went to work, he wasn't online, but he eventually got online 3 minutes before I got home from grocery shopping after work, and we were able to talk for an hour! I tried to get a smoochy face at the end, but he wouldn't budge lol His computer died before we got a chance to say our love and miss yous, but we've made a habit of making at least I love you the first thing out of our mouths because we know we don't always get to say goodbye at the end of a conversation. So yippie, Ashley's drama filled day turned into a good one!!

Oh, and a few days ago I went to Ross, and found the most ADORABLE bedside table! I am absolutely in love with it <3 I'm sure it's not everybody's style, but I adore how "rustic" and "natural" is looks. Not too "I just cut a tree down and made it" but not to "this is supposed to be tewwwtally stylish". The perfect median. I was going to whitewash it, but I can't bring myself to do it (even if I knew how to)

So that's my update for now :) I'm off to do what I do best: be lazy between shifts at work!