Saturday, April 9, 2011

Don't forget to remember me.

So life has been boring lately. Just waking up, eating, cleaning (kinda), emailing, off to bed, rinse & repeat.
Mark had been calling every day, but we already spent like 60 dollar in a week on calling cards, so we went three or four days until he caved and bought a third calling card. My mother is sending 6 more (thank you momma!) and I've got two care packages by my front door ready to be sent out on Monday!
This whole government shut down thing has really made me realize how much we need to start saving, though. I mean we don't really live outside of our means, IMO, but we definitely don't have much left over at the end of the day for savings. Thankfully I have a great family who is willing to loan us money for bills if need be, but I just really hate feeling like we aren't 100% self sufficient quiet yet. I know it's only been a year since we bought the house, but I would have liked to think that by now we'd have a good bit in savings. It'll be easier once sep. pay starts rolling in, and once Mark is in a tax free zone as well... and even more once we get the second half of our damn home buyers tax credit that the IRS is so conveniently taking their sweet ass time with. Especially once I get a job next month, we will definitely be good on our own from then on out so we're almost out of the grey as far as if the Government decides to screw us Military families over, my paycheck will have already set up a nice cushion for us to sit on for awhile, and also a nice cushion to put a baby on, yaaay! haha
Okay now I keep getting distracted by television, so I'm going to stop writing before I start to ramble. G'day motha lickaz

Monday, April 4, 2011

Come a little closer BABY...

Emphasis on the BAYYBEEEEE!

I got my first email AND Saturday night/Yesterday Morning! Of course, I was at a friends house, and their apartment doesn't get service. IMAGINE THAT! Yesterday, while I was driving home, my phone caught up and I had 4 or 5 emails, and 7 voicemails... all from Mark. Insert FML smiley here. Thankfully, an hour later, right as I was finishing up in the shower, he called again! So yesterday I finally got my first call of the deployment. We've already exchanged 17 emails since that call as well. Needless to say, communication for this deployment will be a lot more frequent that it was last deployment, thank goodness. Like I already said, he called yesterday morning, but I also got another call last night. He said he would call and he was actually able to! So I started my day and ended it with his voice. It was a VERY welcome good day compared the two before, that is for damn sure.

The late night phone call that I go, I will say, pretty much made my entire life. Out of nowhere, no influence from me what-so-over, totally his thoughts that sprung it from thin air... he started talking about the possibility of trying for a baby when he gets home. OMG ME = COMA right now. I didn't even realize what had happened until we got off the phone. I mean I realized, I was 100% aware of what he said, but it didn't hit me until we got off the phone and I realized, wow... He brought it up on his own. He said he wants to try when he gets home. I'm completely beside myself thrilled excited fuck me sideways ecstatic about it! I know that things can come up, but just the fact that he brought it up on his own with no provocation from me blows my mind. Not only that, he did it AGAIN an hour ago in our first email of the day (well technically not first, but first email since I woke up, but you get what I mean lol.) As long as I get our bill sin order by the time he comes home (totally do-able) and we have a decent amount saved up (again, totally doable) he is, and I quote, "serious if I think we have enough money we will start trying when I get back or I might wait until after I get out and know what im doing for a living then try."
If he does the second option, as in he doesn't reenlist, he gets out in August, so that is still by the end of the year he'll know what he's doing, and by the end of next year we (God willing) will have baby-on-board!
I really hope I'm not jinxing it, but I won't be completely broken hearted if he decides he wants to wait. I'm more excited about the fact that he feels like he's ready (or almost so) to cement our marriage with a baby... to create a new life with me. Out of everybody in this earth, he wants me. Cue the sob, you already know I'm tearing up right now lol. I can't help it. I've been really wanting to talk seriously about it for a couple months now, and it's like he read my mind. We're actually seriously considering it together, at the same time. I've already dropped that I wanted a baby numerous times before, but they were all light hearted. I haven't actually told him that I really wanted to try when he got home more than the little here and there "hey I've got an idea." But that was months ago... and I was the one bringing it up. Now he is! Uhg. Mind blown. Officially.
This deployment has been so much more productive for our relationship that last deployment. He was really closed off on his first deployment. He was a bit numb feeling in his emails, and we actually had a moment where I told him I wasn't going to email him anymore until he started to return the effort I was putting into the emails. I really don't think I'm going to have that problem this deployment. He is being so sentimental and caring in all of his emails, constantly telling me how much he loves me, and thinks about me, and misses me. I feel like he's so so much in the past 24 hours that I've been waiting 3 years to hear on such a regular basis. He always makes me happy, he's always been my world, but now it's like he realizes he doesn't have to have a wall up anymore. He can say how he feels and be okay about it, without ruining his Manly Man-ness. He's always made me happy, but this just really makes me realize just how lucky I am to have him in my life. He is my everything.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Waiting for the love of a traveling soldier....

I would like to dedicate this blog post to my lovey dove, Shelley.

Call me callous, but I call it reality.

No, this isn't a forward.

You know what I don't get?

"The Silent Ranks." "The Women They Left Behind." And any other names for what I do for 6-10 months every other year.

I, for one, am not silent in the least. I am who I am, and my husbands job does not dictate otherwise. And he sure as hell did not leave me behind. For all intensive purposes I am right there beside him every day and every night.

And No, I do not cry every night. He makes me much to happy, even while he's away, for me to shed a tear every night for him. Try shedding a smile, instead.

When people ask me how I'm doing I either say Okay or good. And I mean it. I am not miserable, and I am not alone. My life goes on, and so does the rest of the world. While I do long for him, I do not pause my life for him. He will be here again, and hell, he might leave again, but that does not mean that I have play "Lady in waiting."

I love him, I need him, and I miss him more than I have every loved, needed, or missed anybody in my entire life, but he makes me much to happy to spend my days in sorrow.

Carry on rofl.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Brown eyed girl...

haz less hair! Haha small post for today, since I really don't have anything to complain our boast about. It was definitely a good day compared to others, though... so that's a nice chance of emotional scenery. I just wish it would stop being ugly out, and warm up.

So yeah... I cut my hair off... I love it, but I still know that no matter how amazing it may look, it's still short and Mark still wont like it. If I do keep it, I'll be getting extensions for Mark's homecoming, but that's ten months away so I've got plenty of time to think about that.