I told you so.

Oh, I told you so. I told you someday... I'd forget to keep writing.

Sorry guys! It's been over two months since I disappeared from your lives! So much has happened, so hopefully this doesn't take me hours to write... it probably won't though, because I'm exhausted lol. I'm about to pop in a Michelina's, grab a glass of water, and call it a night..errr... afternoon? lol I fully intend to be off in dreamland by like 8:30-9:00pm.

Yep! I got old on you guys! No more 3,4,5am bedtimes for me... I'm a workin lady now! I got a job! When I lived in Florida I worked as a Childcare Provider for a gym, props to the sister for hookin' me up ;D Well it's been a month over a year since I had to leave, and I still miss the kids and environment like crazy... so I went and got me another job, also as a Childcare Provider at a gym; this time I'm at Golds Gym, rather than a hospital owned gym. It's a bit different from Wellness, but I can tell it's going to be just as great. The kids are pretty much exactly comparable, which I was worried the kids here wouldn't live up to my Wellness kid's, but they're sure giving them a run for the money! haha. It's really great! It's so big, organized, and the babies and kids have a separate area, which if you've ever watched over 23 kids at a time, you know that is a life saver when 4 of them are babies. I've been working there for a week today (last Friday was my trial) and already I'm super excited about it. Working has also helped immensely with helping my days go faster... I can't believe it's already been a week since I started, so I know the rest of this deployment is going to fly by with all this time taken up, now :D

Remember Diesel? Yeah... no balls. He got em chopped off D: He also got a lump removed from his head (STILL no work on anything about it... yay -__-) but he's back up and running around like a menace. That was about 3-4 weeks ago.

Mark has been gone for 2 months and 28 days. He's doing a lot better than he was when he first left. He isn't as depressed anymore, and he's really starting to change his attitude towards the Marine Corp. He's also pretty excited about... wait for it... *le gasp* REENLISTING! Fuck me right square in the eye, I know... but ultimately this is the best thing for our family and we are excited to live the military life. Yes it will be hard, and my biggest concern (here comes the tears) are how much of our children's life he's going to be missing out on, but as long as Mark is happy with his decision, we will be okay. The kids part of it was a HUGE part in me hating that it's happening, but it already really helped because I know our children wouldn't be able to live the life they will with Mark being in the Marines, if he got out. But the part about him missing so much of our children's lives is going to tear me apart... so much that I've actually questioned having children anymore... I know that my mind is just being melodramatic, so I don't put a second thought towards it, but that is just how sad I am for that aspect of it. But like I said, it is the best choice for us, and when he retires at 40 years old he's going to know this was the right choice, and our children will know that they are their daddy's whole world, even if he has to be a world away every other year. I told him to pick up something from his next port (which he'l be at soon!) for me to use to decorate a nursery for our first child, that we plan on trying for either when he comes home or right before he leaves on his next deployment, which would be last next year, early 2013... and he replied that he looked at his last port <3

Also, as of last months I've been slowly getting myself into better eating/drinking habits, and yesterday I worked out for the first time in FOREVER (even though I've only really worked out two or three times before this.) I'm tired of this big belly, and I'm tired of these huge legs and big ass. Shit needs to chaaayunge! I am currently nomming down on a Michelina's Stroganoff frozen dinner... I'll probably eat some cottage cheese if this doesn't fill me up, but that's it! I had (one) Nature Valley Crunchy Granola Bar for breakfast, and ate the rest after I got off work a few hours later. Then I had a different Michelina's for lunch, followed by a handful of grapes.

There are no sodas in my house either. I have cups, and I have filtered water. If my brother wants something other than water, he had to make a pitcher of tea lol. I drink an entire glass of water before I eat, then nom down, and after that I try not to eat anything else.... but I'm on my period so I made caramel sugar cookies >_> I promise I only ate one! And I really only made them because I watched cake boss so I had to bake something lol So yeah... Right now I'm going to start trying to go at least three times a week, and then once my body gets used to working out I'm going to work out every day after work. One of my coworkers asked me if I wanted to be her work out buddy after she saw me working out before work, so I told her sure, so I'm hoping she'll push me farther. She told me she pretty much only works on her legs, so that is perfect for what I want to do right now... my legs are my main focus, and if I can get in cardio my second focus (my tummy) should be good to go. I don't think I need to tighten it, since I'm not exactly fat, but we'll see as time progresses.

Hmm... lets see, what else is new... I think that's it lol. Oh wait! I've already finished the first part of my amazing transformation for Mark as well! I got the TV mounted! It's so preeetty lol I hung a small curtain behind the TV so that the curtains flow down under it and hide all the cords :D I also got new pillows for the couch, art pieces for the bedroom and living room (thanks to my friend, Ashley, for the living room art!) and my next big purchase is going to be a boflex for the third bedroom. I wanted to buy him a shed, but them bitches is EXPENSIVE and we're going to be moving in a year, so no use in spending that much money on something we aren't going to see a return profit on when we sell the house, and he'll only be able to enjoy it for like 3 or 4 months! Maybe I'll save up and surprise him with one for a house warming present in Cali (or Florida, if he doesn't reenlist). I don't know... we'll see.

Oh shit, I can't believe I forgot this huge part of my past two months!... me and a few friends have made our own forum! It's called Not So Silent Ranks ! It's a support forum for military significant others, and we also have a facebook community :) So far the forum is still slow, but we've got about 7 members that actively post through out the day, and we're doing a contest on our facebook community, which is now up to 338 "likes", so hopefully things will pick up slightly here soon with that promo going on :) Tell you're friends ;D haha

So yeah, I think that's about all of it! I've already set an alarm on my phone... and every saturday night, 8pm at the latest, I will start writing again! I'll try and post more than once a week, but I can't promise my life will be interesting enough for me to have anything to say! Sorry! <3

Don't forget to remember me.

So life has been boring lately. Just waking up, eating, cleaning (kinda), emailing, off to bed, rinse & repeat.

Mark had been calling every day, but we already spent like 60 dollar in a week on calling cards, so we went three or four days until he caved and bought a third calling card. My mother is sending 6 more (thank you momma!) and I've got two care packages by my front door ready to be sent out on Monday!

This whole government shut down thing has really made me realize how much we need to start saving, though. I mean we don't really live outside of our means, IMO, but we definitely don't have much left over at the end of the day for savings. Thankfully I have a great family who is willing to loan us money for bills if need be, but I just really hate feeling like we aren't 100% self sufficient quiet yet. I know it's only been a year since we bought the house, but I would have liked to think that by now we'd have a good bit in savings. It'll be easier once sep. pay starts rolling in, and once Mark is in a tax free zone as well... and even more once we get the second half of our damn home buyers tax credit that the IRS is so conveniently taking their sweet ass time with. Especially once I get a job next month, we will definitely be good on our own from then on out so we're almost out of the grey as far as if the Government decides to screw us Military families over, my paycheck will have already set up a nice cushion for us to sit on for awhile, and also a nice cushion to put a baby on, yaaay! haha

Okay now I keep getting distracted by television, so I'm going to stop writing before I start to ramble. G'day motha lickaz

Come a little closer BABY...

Emphasis on the BAYYBEEEEE!

I got my first email AND Saturday night/Yesterday Morning! Of course, I was at a friends house, and their apartment doesn't get service. IMAGINE THAT! Yesterday, while I was driving home, my phone caught up and I had 4 or 5 emails, and 7 voicemails... all from Mark. Insert FML smiley here. Thankfully, an hour later, right as I was finishing up in the shower, he called again! So yesterday I finally got my first call of the deployment. We've already exchanged 17 emails since that call as well. Needless to say, communication for this deployment will be a lot more frequent that it was last deployment, thank goodness. Like I already said, he called yesterday morning, but I also got another call last night. He said he would call and he was actually able to! So I started my day and ended it with his voice. It was a VERY welcome good day compared the two before, that is for damn sure.

The late night phone call that I go, I will say, pretty much made my entire life. Out of nowhere, no influence from me what-so-over, totally his thoughts that sprung it from thin air... he started talking about the possibility of trying for a baby when he gets home. OMG ME = COMA right now. I didn't even realize what had happened until we got off the phone. I mean I realized, I was 100% aware of what he said, but it didn't hit me until we got off the phone and I realized, wow... He brought it up on his own. He said he wants to try when he gets home. I'm completely beside myself thrilled excited fuck me sideways ecstatic about it! I know that things can come up, but just the fact that he brought it up on his own with no provocation from me blows my mind. Not only that, he did it AGAIN an hour ago in our first email of the day (well technically not first, but first email since I woke up, but you get what I mean lol.) As long as I get our bill sin order by the time he comes home (totally do-able) and we have a decent amount saved up (again, totally doable) he is, and I quote, "serious if I think we have enough money we will start trying when I get back or I might wait until after I get out and know what im doing for a living then try."

If he does the second option, as in he doesn't reenlist, he gets out in August, so that is still by the end of the year he'll know what he's doing, and by the end of next year we (God willing) will have baby-on-board!

I really hope I'm not jinxing it, but I won't be completely broken hearted if he decides he wants to wait. I'm more excited about the fact that he feels like he's ready (or almost so) to cement our marriage with a baby... to create a new life with me. Out of everybody in this earth, he wants me. Cue the sob, you already know I'm tearing up right now lol. I can't help it. I've been really wanting to talk seriously about it for a couple months now, and it's like he read my mind. We're actually seriously considering it together, at the same time. I've already dropped that I wanted a baby numerous times before, but they were all light hearted. I haven't actually told him that I really wanted to try when he got home more than the little here and there "hey I've got an idea." But that was months ago... and I was the one bringing it up. Now he is! Uhg. Mind blown. Officially.

This deployment has been so much more productive for our relationship that last deployment. He was really closed off on his first deployment. He was a bit numb feeling in his emails, and we actually had a moment where I told him I wasn't going to email him anymore until he started to return the effort I was putting into the emails. I really don't think I'm going to have that problem this deployment. He is being so sentimental and caring in all of his emails, constantly telling me how much he loves me, and thinks about me, and misses me. I feel like he's so so much in the past 24 hours that I've been waiting 3 years to hear on such a regular basis. He always makes me happy, he's always been my world, but now it's like he realizes he doesn't have to have a wall up anymore. He can say how he feels and be okay about it, without ruining his Manly Man-ness. He's always made me happy, but this just really makes me realize just how lucky I am to have him in my life. He is my everything.

Waiting for the love of a traveling soldier....

I would like to dedicate this blog post to my lovey dove, Shelley.

Call me callous, but I call it reality.

No, this isn't a forward.

You know what I don't get?

"The Silent Ranks." "The Women They Left Behind." And any other names for what I do for 6-10 months every other year.

I, for one, am not silent in the least. I am who I am, and my husbands job does not dictate otherwise. And he sure as hell did not leave me behind. For all intensive purposes I am right there beside him every day and every night.

And No, I do not cry every night. He makes me much to happy, even while he's away, for me to shed a tear every night for him. Try shedding a smile, instead.

When people ask me how I'm doing I either say Okay or good. And I mean it. I am not miserable, and I am not alone. My life goes on, and so does the rest of the world. While I do long for him, I do not pause my life for him. He will be here again, and hell, he might leave again, but that does not mean that I have play "Lady in waiting."

I love him, I need him, and I miss him more than I have every loved, needed, or missed anybody in my entire life, but he makes me much to happy to spend my days in sorrow.

Carry on rofl.

Brown eyed girl...

haz less hair! Haha small post for today, since I really don't have anything to complain our boast about. It was definitely a good day compared to others, though... so that's a nice chance of emotional scenery. I just wish it would stop being ugly out, and warm up.

So yeah... I cut my hair off... I love it, but I still know that no matter how amazing it may look, it's still short and Mark still wont like it. If I do keep it, I'll be getting extensions for Mark's homecoming, but that's ten months away so I've got plenty of time to think about that.

I feel in to a burning ring of fire...

And it hurt like a bitch.

The past two days have been the biggest cluster fuck in the history of cluster fuckdom. Yesterday wasn't too bad... sure Auto pissed in the car, and Diesel tried to eat the house... but those are fixable. My dog isn't. If he breaks, he's broken.

I took Diesel to the vet today, so they could catch up on what's been going on with his lump. They gave me medicine to give him this time. If the lump doesn't go away within the next two weeks he's going in for surgery to get it removed, and it's being sent to a pathologist. Then a few weeks later, after I visit family in Florida, he'll be getting his bawlz cut off.

I got some unsettling news this morning, before I took Diesel into the vet, so that didn't exactly help my day start off swimmingly, either. I can't really talk about that, though. Tomorrow I'm going to go grocery shopping, and then get my hair cut. It's settled. I have way too much going on right now for me to give a damn about styling my hair everyday. I need something easy. Less hair = less time spent on straightening/styling it. More time to get shit done.

So much has happened in the past two days. I hate that Mark is 1. out of the loop with it all, and 2. is unreachable. Yay for going underway... meaning I won't have contact with him for another couple weeks... I really hope that he is able to call or email before Diesel's surgery, at least... I would say the opposite, but it'll probably take awhile for the results to get back from the pathologist anyway, so either way before or after surgery he's still going to worry about the results. Hell, he doesn't even know that Auto's appointment went flawlessly, and that he is the "healthy" one of the two. I really hope that at least right now, he has forgotten or isn't worried about how Auto had a lump (that has went away, yay!) or that Diesels has gotten more noticeable. I know that he's down about missing me and the dogs, and I know that he's down about being on that same boat again, this time for even longer so they say... I just really hope that that's all that is on his plate right now. I'm perfectly happy with bearing these burdons... I wish I could just hide them from him, but I'm pretty sure the amount that will be coming out of our checking account might make him ask a couple questions... especially since it will say that it's coming from our vet. I really hope he doesn't worry about Diesel. I know he'll be okay... I hope.

There's gotta be something more...

...and by that I mean something more to go wrong today. You know that DirecTV commercial, where the guy starts the commercial off with "I am Epic Win." Yea, well I'm the opposite, today. This morning I took Auto to the vet. Everything was fine. He has been throwing up in the mornings before he eats, but they told me just feed him later at night, and it's normal for how early I feed him at night. He also had a lump on his jaw line, but they said it was just a mole... I don't know about that one, but I'll just keep checking on it. Diesel's lump on his head seems to have gotten a bit bigger, so I made an appt for that for tomorrow... hopefully it wont be as big a fail.

So, why am I Epid Fail? Well first, after tripping over myself with Auto and a huge bag of Blue Buffalo to getting out of PetSmart and into the car, I forgot to let Auto drain his snake. So, naturally, about 1 minute before we pull into the drive way, Auto pisses all over the front seat of the car. FML. Welp, at least I don't have to clean it up... We don't have the stuff to get it out, so I'm just going to take it somewhere to get cleaned on Friday, windows down for the next few days... and of course it's raining the next few days too. Wet seats will smell better than piss, though... I'm sure of it.

But that's not all folks. I walk inside, and go to let Diesel out of my room. My brother is sick, so I put him in my room, instead of him my brother's temp. room where his kennel is. BAD IDEA. I did it this morning and he was fine, but I guess that's just because he was still sleepy. Well I walk through the door and step in something wet. Nope, not piss. Drool. Cascading down the door trim, starting at the huge chunk missing, that I'm assuming could only be resting in piece down Diesel's throat. No positives to this story, I'm afraid. I'm going to have to replace the damn trim before Mark gets home.

At least I don't fail this hard when Mark is home... otherwise I'd probably be in the dog house lol.