And You Ought To See Her Fly.

So I was pretty busy yesterday, I've got a lot of doubles this week, so I wasn't able to write like I wanted to. I realize I wrote on the 11th, but I really wanted to write on the 12th as well... Why? Uhhh it's my damn birthday you horrible people! How dare you not know that! (I'm not even sure there was a way for you guys TO know that lol).

What did I get, you ask? Well you already know what Mark got me (from This blog entry!) But what else did my lovely lovies get me? Well work gave me a double shift and an Open House day xD (I don't mind, minus having to still til 7:30pm -__-). My awesome mom and dad gave me a gift card to Kirkland's (only the best place on this blue earth. Yes blue... it's like a bazillion % water... not land!). I went shopping on the 11th with that and found this AMAZING desk. It's a corner desk, perfect stain to match the rest of my living room, and perfectly sized for my laptop and the corner of my living room (: I am in love with it.

Also, I don't know if I said this already, I got the Urban Decay Naked Palette! I ADORE it <3 <3 <3 It is sooo amazing. I know a lot of people didn't like it because it's got such simple colors, but I never buy eyeshadow, so this was the PERFECT starter for me, since I'm only comfortable wearing neutral colors on my lids on any ole' day kinda days (especially to work since I work with children). It's got every single color I'm happy with. It's perfect for brown eyes, IMO, because yes it has all the pale pink, then brown, black, grey... but it also has a couple purple shades, and then one blue shade that probably shows up more black than blue lol. Idk, I haven't used that one yet. I cannot speak highly enough of this palette. It is perfection for me. And the case is so unbelievably cute. Do not even get me starting on how much I love the primer potion it comes with. So yeah, I'm starting to learn how to use this shadow, the picture on this was my like second time trying for the smokey eye (looks a lot worse in person but perfect for webcam pictures/movies/skype dates with my sexy Nathalia lol). I'll have to work on making it look as good in person as it looks over a built in webcam :P

Well, that's all I wanted to update you guys on :) While my birthday was lonely without my husband, it went by fast thanks to working a lot this week. It doesn't even feel like I had a birthday to be honest, and I like it that way. Less time to think about being (more or less) alone during it :)

Hasta La fuckin vista babies.

Where Were You When The World Stopped Turning...

I was in the 6th grade. I was sitting in either homeroom or computer class (I forget, because they were both the same classroom). Our gym teacher ran in, and shouted to our teacher to turn on the television. Me and 20+ other classmates watched as one of the towers burned. Soon after, the second plane hit. We were all so young we didn't know what was going on, but we could look at our teachers wet eyes and know that whatever was happening wasn't good. We weren't released right after it happened, but not many classes resumed their planned activities. I remember walking into the band class and seeing a girl talking to our teacher, crying. Somebody she knew was either in or near the towers. I didn't hear who, or exactly where. I remember coming home that day (early), and watching the news. I was just standing in front of the television watching what I had seen earlier that day happen over and over again. By then I was able to hear what exactly was going on. There had been a terrorist attack. I wasn't entirely sure what terrorist were, I had never heard of Al Queda, or Osama Bin Laden. I didn't know that this day would affect me so closely. It didn't, after all, for another 6 years.

This day, the day America went to war, would be the day that shaped my adulthood. The day that would make my future husband join the military 5 years later. The day that would mold my days of marrying a regular "civilian" who would be in school to be a veterinarian, pilot, or some type of mechanic were no longer part of the master plan. I would marry a Marine. I would sleep alone. I would be forced to be a more independent woman. I was no longer "allowed" to be the traditional wife who did house chores and had dinner ready at 6pm every night, right as her husband walked in the door... at least not 6-11 months every other year. I would be a patient, loyal, and sometimes lonely woman. I would wash flight suits and camis. I would wait for those two little words, "fall out", and then run into the arms of the man I loved after 7 long months apart. I would sit here, alone, in house with two dogs who wait by the door every day for their daddy to come home for the first time in 167 days knowing he wouldn't be home for at least another 5 months. I would be writing about a day that forever would change my life, ten years after it happened. I would be proud of the country that I live in, the people I am surrounded by, and the man I married who was selfless enough to give himself to his country.

The Trouble With Girls

...is they spend too much money D:

So after spending way too much money on food, carepacakge items, toiletries, and cleaning supplies I went out again today for more stuff! We still have plenty for savings, but holy moly I've spent a lot this payday... I mean I only spent like 150 on me, the rest was on groceries and stuff for Mark so it's not that bad, and it wasn't pointless things so it's not that bad... I just wish shit were cheaper!

So what did I get today, you ask? Well first I got the Urban Decay Naked palette (yaaay). I never wear eyeshadow so I'm trying to teach myself. I'm tired of being lazy about my appearance. My eyelids are way too dark, they need to be prettier, dammit! Then I got some new bras (double yaaaay). I've lost almost 10 pounds, and I'm still a B cup worrrrddddd!! Now lets hope these next 15 pounds don't put my pretty new Victorias Secret bras out of commission. I've stopped my diet, just eating right on my own and exercising every now and again, but I'm going to be starting it again by the end of October so I know that I'll have the weight I want off before homecoming in February. I don't want to push it too close.

Lets see... what else has been going on since I abandoned this thing... oh yeah... a FRIGGIN HURRICANE. -____-

Last weekend, on Saturday, Irene came a comin'. It was only a category 1, but everybody was freakin' out. Uhm... people... really? It took me 5 minutes to assess the situation and clean up the three twigs that fell into my yard from the wind. Granted, the rest of my neighbors had big chunks of trees in their yard, but the wind wasn't strong enough to do anything but break the limbs and have them land right under where it broke from... the branches didn't move anywhere but down. Not over and into your house/car (unless of course you were stupid enough to park under a tree). My trees are champs, apparently. I watched a twig swing around the whole time without breaking and everything... fucking champ I tell you. I was without power from before I woke up Saturday morning until about 4pm on Sunday. Thankfully I was able to keep a small charge at all times from my car charger on my phone, because Mark was able to call on Sunday :) I sat in my car, enjoying the a/c that I didn't have inside, while talking on the phone with him with my phone plugged in. After we got off the phone, my brother and I went to a chinese buffet for lunch, and when we came back and pulled into the driveway we both shrieked with excitement; THE CARPORT LIGHT WAS ON! Sweet baby jesus we had power <3

About two and a half weeks ago I got that book that Mark wanted us to do: How To Love Me. My friend gave me gastritis (she didn't know she had it when we hung out) so I was throwing up too much to finish it within two days, but I finally finished it and it's ready to be sent out next week in one of his FIVE carepackages. The gastritis was not a fun time... I threw up at the end of my shift at work (which is what made me realize that I hadn't just eaten something bad, when I threw up a dot of blood and a dot of black coffee ground looking somethingness. Sorry for the TMI :P) I was sick for about two days, but still had some of the symptoms slightly for about 5 days. As soon as those symptoms went away I caught a sore throat, though. I so did not miss that aspect of working in childcare again lol and then of course I'm over my sore throat and a fuckin hurricane comes.

My life is a complex rollercoaster of "wtf" mixed with "Oh yay" followed by "wtf! Again!??!?!"

How To Love Me.

My birthday is in 1 month yaaaaaay. Mark emailed me last night (as usual, right as I was almost asleep lol) and told me to order How To Love Me. It's basically a book about the title... How to love ME :D He had me buy two, so he could fill one out too. The next carepackage I send will probably be his birthday so I think I might get What I Love About You as well. Same concept, different focus that also reflect the title. Instead of how, it's what. I want to get him something else too, a manlier gift, but I have no idea what. The video game he wants doesn't come out until mid-end of September (I forget when exactly) but I'll have the next carepackage sent out before then. I wanted to get him a TV for our bedroom but apparently I'm not allowed to spend that much on him lol. Wtf am I going to find under 100 dollars that will own the shit out of his gift!??!? He has a penis... much more difficult to work with than a vagina if you ask me. THATS IT. Maybe I'll buy him a vagina lmaooo (just kidding... or am I >_>)

Today, at work, is an Open House day. Aka kids everywhere bouncing off the walls (literally... we have a bounce house for these days), babies crying and not enough hands to hold them, and their mute buttons (aka pacifiers) keep falling out left and right. I worked this morning, which usually isn't that bad since the open house doesn't get packed until about 4:30pm or so. I got back at 4 until 7:30 though, so maybe I'll break my no spit up no breast milk streak and have to wash my work shirt tonight! Here's hoping! *sarcasm*

I have recently realized I have a problem. Well, two problems. Problem number one: I am addicted to scentsy. If I werent so cheap (I don't want to buy the starter kit o.O) and if I weren't so introverted I'd probably make a killin selling the stuff myself.. but alas I am neither so I get to spend all my money instead of making some of it back at least, by buying them from my friends instead of myself.

Problem numero dos? I'm a fatty fuh' show. Friday, Saturday, AND Sunday were cheat days >_< I went over by about around 200 calories all three of those days. I didn't work out on Friday or Yesterday either. I've been 141.1 (yes, to the .1) lbs every time I've weighed myself for the last week. I am hopeless. But at least I dont really need to get super skinny because I'm just gunna blow up like a balloon again as soon as Mark gets home.

Orly? Blow up like a balloon? Yep. I will have a metaphorical balloon in mah' belly soon after Mark comes home :D I talked to him about how I won't be fertile at all during the month of February (I am the last week of Jan and then again the first month of March, so Feb is just a period and no sparkly fancy baby opportunities). I told him a November/December baby sounds good (if we conceived the month after he gets home, which would make the due date Nov/Dec.) and he agreed!!!!!11!!!!FuckinNumberOne!!!!11! Okay that was a bit much... I appologize. BUT HOLY SHIT BABIESSSSSSS. k I'm done.

More good news you ask? OKAAYYYY if you insistz! I know when mark will be home! Like day of the month and errrythaaang. February it is, so not in time for christmas, but he'll be home before our anniversary and that's all I care about. Obviously, per OPSEC reasons, I can't say when, but if you know our anniversary that narrows it down by... not much since our anniversary is towards the end of the month lol. Positive note? I won't be on my period this time!! Last homecoming I was and let me tell you that was gay as a man with his nipples pierced. Which is super gay for the record. Don't pretend it's manly. Just don't.

So yeah... I think that's my update :) ABRUPTLY ENDS BLOG ENTRY BECAUSE I SUCK AT CLOSING THESE THINGS.

California. Rest In Peace.

Looks like I'll be sticking to North Carolina & Florida beaches for a bit longer. We're staying in Jacksonville. Mark put on his reenlistment papers that he wants California as his second option, and 204 - the non deployable squadron - as his first choice. I'm happy with the decision because that means he wont be deploying for at least another 4 or so years after he gets back, because he'll be applying for the MEPs program (to be come an officer) and then he's going to go to school to be a pilot, which means another 3 or so years at 204 while he's earning his wings. I'm sad that I wont get to be with my friends in Cali, but I've been hanging out with one of Mark's friend's ex girlfriends every so often, and we hung out again today and plan on hanging out again on Thursday. She talks a lot, which is nice because I'm pretty boring, and she's always pretty positive. I like hanging out with her :) Hopefully we aren't all talk and we actually do start to hang out more... it would be nice to have a good friend that I don't need to log online to talk to, or use google plus to "hang out" with lol. I need somebody here to keep me busy. I love the friends I have no, they're amazing and wonderfully skanky, but I just need that human interaction too. That's what I was looking forward to about California, but I really need to stop thinking about what could have been and start planning what will be. I need to build more relationships here after a year of warding them off for fear of PCSing and having to leave everything again. I don't have to block potential friends out anymore :)

Not much went on this past week, but yesterday I spent the majority of the night pooping my pants from the thunder/lightening storm we had. It was BAD. I had to get off the computer for a good two hours because I was sitting here, minding my own boring business when EVERYTHING went white for a split second, and then BOOM! WickedTittieFuzz mate. Lightening struck RIGHT outside of my back door... wait... THE back door... my sounds awkward. Anyways... where I was sitting was literally three feet away from the backdoor... so I had to have been 5 feet away from where the bolt hit. Girl 'bout lost her damn mind. Auto was RIGHT next to the door, wanting to go outside because he's a dumb fuck and everything. I ran into the hallways and called for them so I could cough my lady balls back out of hiding to go anywhere else and know that my puppies weren't being turned into fried chicken because they're stupid and wanted to play in the death rain. What an eventful night. At least I got bored enough to download Limitless (which was bomb as fuck btw.)

Today I woke up to a text from Marissa, asking if I wanted to come to the pool with her. It was supposed to rain again today and tomorrow, but it was really nice outside so I took full advantage of that and got out of bed, asked my brother to get up so the dogs weren't stuck in their kennels all afternoon, and headed out. I didn't even brush my hair I was so in the "I'm gunna get tan" zone. I did, however, put on my non-water-proof mascara and then told myself I was a moron after jumping into the pool and remembering I planned on not getting my face wet -_____-

Then I came home and cooked a bomb ass dinner (AMAAAZING Bacon Wrapped Chicken Recipe). I even got to hear from my husband today! That made my day go from good to amazing. Usually on my days off I just sit around and do nothing... I'm so glad that I actually was able to really make use of my day off... oh wait... Shit. I forgot to do laundry.

Gotta have me my boats n hoes.

Yaaaay for another skype daaate <3

I should get another tomorrow, hopefully :D We talked for about an hour, mostly about nothing and everything as usual. Now he wants a boat -____- lol. I'd rather him have a boat than another fast car though, so I'm definitely pushing for him to get a boat when we get to California. He doesn't like me working when he's home since we don't really need me to work in the first place, so a second car isn't that big of a deal to me right now. We can always afford to get me a second car if it becomes too much of a hassle, since his reenlistment bonus will be paying off his 2010 Focus, and we'll be selling his truck once he's home since that was just a big mistake of a money pit that the car dealers were nice enough to completely hide from us >:( F U Gary's. So yeah, boat is so happening. Nothing big, just big enough for us to have 6 or so people. He sent me a link to one he likes, and it's $5,500. It looks really nice too. I can wait to get one. I might want something a little bigger, so I can take some of my friends out and we can all lay out on it or something, though. Maybe spend a little more to get something a bit more substantial, I don't know. I'm sure Mark won't mind me asking for something better lol.

This Friday was "Costume Day" at work. I made myself a mario costume that was pretty friggin epic if you ask me:

I definately spruced up the 'stache for the big day, though. It was full blown certified mario-tastic.

Today I cleaned my kitchen counters. It took me an hour -____- I took everything off of them, cleaned the counters, stove, and the stainless backsplash behind the stove. Then I did the dishes (le gasp), and put everything back on the counters in the perfect place. Then I went through the junk drawer and took care uh bidnis in there. It's so neat now :) And I have so much more counter space now that I put things in better places. I still really want to install another cabinet next to the damn fridge, above the microwave, though. I just need more counter space. OH! That reminds me, I was going to look for a cute little dishes set that comes in one of those plate holders that you can set on our counter! **off to google and amazon**

Okay okay, I'll wait until I'm done blogging to shop online and get myself into trouble lol.

I woke up around noon, ate two eggs and half of a whole bagel, toasted and buttered... and then I went to work on the kitchen, so I didn't eat a second meal today D: But I made up for that by going to Chick-Fil-A about an hour ago and gettin' me my Spicy Chicken Delux. Insert swoon. That shit has become my new obsession. I eat one like twice a month! It's only 570 calories (ignore the fact that it's probably got a bazillion times the sodium I'm supposed to eat) and it fills me up so it's the perfect dinner for me.

Now I'm just chillin' watchin Hoarders (well I had to pause it so I could blog, I kept getting distracted) and now, since this has reminded me, I'm off to online shop :) Yaaaaaay.

I wanna touch the earth. I wanna break it in my hands.

That's how I feel right now. Not in a free spirit kind of way... in a literal way.

I want this all to be over. No more ports, no more surprises, no more deployment. I want my husband back. I'm tired of being alone, and I'm tired of pretending I have it all together when inside I just want to break everything around me. I'm tired of being tough.

I want to go out and have fun. I want to go to a movie. I want to go go-kart racing. Hell, I want to go and do ANYTHING but nothing. And I want to do all of that with my husband. I have no friends here, no family. It's just me and two dogs that eat everything because their momma can't give them the attention they're used to.

I want to stop worrying about saving money. I want to spend some every now and then too. I want to buy new clothes, and new video games. I want to go out to eat with friends too. I want to DRINK. You know what... that sounds like an excellent idea... Irish Creme & Butterscotch schnapps is about to me in my hand...... And it's right next to me now..... And now it's in my belly. Well I added four shots for it, so probably 1 of the 4 shots in in my belly anyway. It's about to be all in my belly... and there it went. If only the schnapps were easier on my throat, and those four shots didn't make me go over my calorie limit for today by 80 calories. Anyway... where were we.

Today just is not my day. Moments of weakness, we'll call it. I'm PMSing so I'm sure that has a lot to do with it. I just want to go to bed, but I'm clinging to the thought that Mark might call tonight since he said he'd call when he wakes up... so I should get a call before or around midnight at the latest. I'm also clinging to the possibility of him getting on Skype with me before I go to work tomorrow... which I so desperately need right now. He pulled a douche bag move (again) this port, and I really just want to be happy that he's having fun, but it's hard when my social life is dying because I want to save, and his is thriving because he wants to spend every port... but that's not what I came on here to talk about.

I'm just tired of being the person that everybody looks at and says "Wow, you're taking this deployment really well!" It makes me proud that people think that of me, it really does feel good... but I know it's not true. To be honest, the original reason I came on to blog was to make a list of all the things that make me happy right now... to try and help myself get out of this funk... but right now I just need to be weak. I need to vent it out, and it needs to be heard, even if nobody is listening. I am not as strong as everybody thinks I am. I am hurting just as much as all of you are... I've just gotten used to being able to cover my feelings up with a smile.