I think this post will be pretty self explanatory...

Oh, how sweet February truly is.

How wonderful life is, now you're (back) in the world.

I think this entry will be pretty self explanitory...

Oh, how sweet February is.

It's the final countdown...

and I couldn't be freaking out more if I tried.

Last week was Mark and I's last skype date. The next time I see his face it will be walking towards me from across the flight line of VMM-263's hangar on Marine Corp Air Station New River. I am mere days away from finally being able to touch my husband again. For the first time in over ten months I will be with him again... ahh I don't know where the time went, but frankly I don't care. All I know is that the time is gone and now a better time is here. The rush of homecoming drawing near is something I love and hate all at the same time. Emotions are extremely high-- everything you do makes you cry. Makes you think "in X Amount of Days he will be right next to me while I watch my shows." "in X Amount of Days he'll be dragging me to get instead of these late nights." "in X Amount of Days I will be waking up along side him, rather than alone." In X amount of days I will be writing about having my husband back beside me-- I will be posting a picture of me in his arms instead of his ten month bromance with my friend's husband (and my husbands best friend.) It's so surreal, and I am loving every tear jerking minute of it.

My body has progressed so far since he has left, and that is one of the biggest things I am looking forward to... seeing the look on his face when he realizes he came home to not only his attractive wife... but now that attractive wife has a bangin' body to boot! I mean, every guy who deploys can't wait to come home to their wife, even though usually the put on a little weight during deployment. None of them expect to come home to Wifey 2.0. The big ass is still there, but that waist!? What waist? And that tummy! How is he going to impregnate that?? He just got home, just saw this flat stomach with abs, and now he's going to ruin it by giving me a watermelon bell? lol But don't worry, I'll rape him if I have to... a baby WILL be in me within the next three months if I have anything to do with it.

So, this will be the last blog I make until he is homeeeeeeeee. Everybody know "yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I dare to let me you're one and only.

It's Peanut Butter honey time! Before Mark left he would ask me to make them for him before bed on occasion. I would never make one for myself, but as soon as I handed it to him I would give him those puppy dog eyes and ask for a bite. Never failed... he'd sink his shoulders down, huff, and then give in. Then he'd complain that I took too big of a bite and call me a fatty. Ahh those were the days xD Ever since he's been gone I have a sandwich at least once a month. I'll crave something sweet, and since I'm dieting that's a great go-to. It's healthy, and I rarely carry anything sweet in the house because I know I'll eat it all at once lol. But that's not the main reason I eat them. They make me think of him. I added chocolate chips tonight because I was weak. Best decision ever.

So, what's been going on with me besides getting fat? Well, I've made my deployment goal!!! That's right folks, I have lost I have went from 149 pounds to 130!! I am so proud of myself, but more importantly I am so looking forward to showing Mark the progress I've made. I know that he loves me just the way I am/was, but I really wanted to do this for him. He does so much for me and I really wanted him to come home to not only his wife, but his wife with a smokin' hot body. I've sent him pictures of my progression along the way (I couldn't resist) and he's pretty excited to see it up close if you know what I mean ;D haha

When will he see that smokin' hot body, you ask? Sooo soon! He will be home in next month! Obviously I can't say EXACTLY when, for OPSEC reasons. That's about as specific as I can be for now.

I didn't get everything I wanted done while he was gone, but I got a good bit done. My hair isn't long like I planned on it being (I cut it short after he left to get it out of my system) but I love it anyway. I'm sure it'll grow on him as well, and I'm growing it out anyway so no biggie. He'll be butt-hurt but I don't care :P I got a good bit with the house done. I added a small bookshelf to the kitchen to make it less bare- along with hanging frames in there and throughout the rest of the house. I got some new chairs for the living room, a new bedspread for our bedroom, a new end table for our room, and mounted our 60 inch TV to the wall, so now what we were using as a TV stand is full of decor. I also bought the computer desk I'm sitting at right now and decorated that. Oh and the chair I'm sitting on. I got rid of our old recliner to make room for the two new chairs. So our living room still has the same bones as far as where everything is, but it's just been upgraded :) I can't wait for him to come home so we can pick out a master bedroom furniture set, and a new sectional.

But, what I REALLY can't wait for when he comes home is pretty damn awesome. It's BABY MAKINGGGG :D No, not the "I haven't had sex in 10 monhts, lets do this shit" baby making. Actual baby making. We'z gon' have a baaaybeeee :D I am so ready for this I cannot even begin to elaborate. Every day, almost everything I do, babies. It's all I can think about. Hell, I started taking pre-natals two months ago because I'm so obsessed with the fact that we will be starting a family soon. We have a lot of money saved up from Mark's reenlistment that will take care of the things that we wouldn't have been able to splurge on without so I am so excited to watch our saving account slowly decrease in size and going towards a crib, stroller, carseat, and oh mah gawd the clothes & shoes!! Every time I pass up our second bedroom I just picture opening the door to a fully loaded nursery baby and all. I am so happy that it will hopefully be my turn to complain about morning sickness, scream IT'S A ___ from the top of my lungs, not see my toes anymore, and finally hold a baby in my arms. HIS baby. I cannot wait to see him looking down, into his arms, at our baby.

It's almost over. I almost have my husband back. I almost have my reason for waking up in the morning. I almost have my bed time enforcer. I almost have my best friend.

We wish you a Merry Christmas & a Happy New Year.

Okay that was the lamest title I have ever had. BUT IDGAF :D

We are so close to the end of this god forsaken deployment I can taste it's sweaty ballsack! Nice visual, eh? I can officially say he comes back next month and it feels amazing knowing that I am so damn close to seeing him again. plans are all laid out for our visitors. My mom will be here the before to help me prepare the house, get it spin-n-span and whatnot. His Aunt will be here two days after my mom gets here, and then bing bam boom homecoming is two days later. Holy shit balls. So right now I'm just making sure I can get heres and theres settled in so that everything is as good as possible when Mark gets here. Today I plan on going to Lowes and/or Petsmart but judging from the mood I'm in right now I do not see that happening. Thank you, Aunt Flo.

Auto is a a douche bag, btw. He broke his damn run again. So I've been having to go outside with him to make sure he doesn't escape. Okay yeah I am definitely going to Petsmart today. Probably here soon after I stop writing this. Writing out that I have to go outside with him reminded me how much I am not going to enjoy it the next time I have to, so I WILL go to damn petsmart to get him a damn line. Uhg my dog is satin incarnate. Maybe I'll even muster up the courage to drive to the next parking lot and see what Lowes has to offer me :) I really want to paint the living room.. like so bad. and I have a gift card o.O fml the choices of life are so damn hard! Okay fuck it, I'm going to paint my living room.

All I Want For Christmas is You.

But this will work too :) Last night Mark got to call for the third day in a row! The deployment is coming to a quick end (yaaaay) so now he's got a lot more "idaf" time. Well last night he called me, and told me that when I go to the mall tomorrow to pick this beauty up. Her name is Stella Amelia Justice and she is my baby girl <3 I'm serious about that name, btw. I am obsessed with it, I cannot go more than 60 seconds without looking at it. I got a GREAT deal on it, saved almost 50% on the price because I told the woman who was working with me that I couldn't go over a certain price. She knocked off nearly a grand! I am so in love with the bracelet and I am so damn in love with my husband. I know love shouldn't be monetary, and it isn't, but it sure as hell doesn't hurt to marry a man who buys you lots of shinys :P Uhg, I cannot get over this thing.

Also, incase you haven't noticed my little weight loss tracker, I am 15 pounds down, officially at my deployment goal, 1 pound extra actually. I am pretty damn impressed with my tummy as well. I'm starting to get abs! Now I have to work extra hard this last month & a half to make sure my body is in tip top shape for Mark. If I get shinys he gets a killer body to come home to :)

All in all, I am so proud of myself, but I am more proud of how amazing a man I married. Everything he does is for my happiness, and I could not ask for a better person to spend the rest of my life with. I am so blessed.

Hello world, hope you're listening.

Forgive me if I'm young, or speaking out of turn, but there's someone I've been missing and I think, no, KNOW they are the better half of me.

8 months & 18 days.

It has been 8 months & 18 days since I last felt his hand intertwined in mine. 8 months & 18 days since I last felt his lips speaking onto mine. His eye peering into mine. His warmth cradling me throughout the night. I have been waking myself up every morning, going to bed alone every night, and wandering this empty house for 8 months & 18 days without him.

Why do I do it? HOW do I do it? I am so strong. So brave. I have held it together so well. What is it like? The questions I am asked frequently from people who have just found out that he is gone. I could never do it. That is what most of them say. So why do I do it? How do I do it. How am I so brave & strong. How do I keep it together so damn well?

I do it because I have to. Because doing this is much easier than not. I would rather go three years without seeing him if it meant I still got to see him after those three years. I still got to stand in a crowded hanger, looking into his eyes through all of the other eyes looking around trying to find the eyes the lost 10 months ago. If I still got to run into his arms for the first time in nearly a year. I still had him. Love... Happiness. Hope. They are not having his hand to touch every day. They are knowing that even when he doesn't have your hand, he still has your heart to hold on to every day and night. I do this because it is the life he chose, and I will always stand by him. I will remember that his honor, courage, and respect (though close,) do not outweigh his love for me. I do this for him because of everything he does for me. There is not "how" I do this. There is only me doing it. There is no other thing for me to do. There is no other thing I would want to do given our situation.

I am not brave, and I am not strong. I am just good at faking it. He isn't the only one who wears camouflage to hide. I just don't voice how scared I am. I don't voice how weak I am to all of this. I don't cry that much, no. He has been gone for 8 months & 18 days and I can probably count the amount of times I have cried over him on one hand. Why would I cry? He is gone. Tears cannot bring him back. They also will not make him as happy as he makes me. Smiles do. So I buck up and cheese it up. I smile, knowing that he makes me happy, and I refuse to cry over somebody who does so much for me. He is not anything to be sad about. He is the definition of my happiness. You could do it, too. You would do it. I am not doing anything that any other wife wouldn't. If I am, then frankly you've got some reevaluating of your relationship to do. Why wouldn't you do this for your husband?

I am not a part of the silent ranks. I am not the one he left behind. I do not claim to be a military wife. I am just a wife. The future mother of his children. I am just a woman, he is just a man, and we are just in love. Not cutesy little we're so happy together in love. We are in love through the yelling. We are in love through the tears. We are in love through the distance. His arms are the only arms I will ever need, the only kiss I will ever crave, and the only man I will ever love. God forbid anything happen to him, I am confident that I will never love this deeply again. He is my everything, and I am nothing more than his. All I am doing is being a wife.

I've got his homecoming down to a two day time slot, now. In less than 50 days he will be in my arms again. I will once again cook dinner on a regular basis. I will clean the house every day instead of twice, MAYBE thrice, a week. I will take shorter showers, and spend more time in bed just laying there looking into the man I love's eyes. I won't take out the trash. I will let it get full until he takes it out, because I am a lady and ladies don't do the trash. I won't forget the take out the recycling or trash anymore, for that matter. I will use my crock pot more often. I will be scolded if I cook a dinner that consist of pasta and sauce, but no meat. Yes I have smiled for the last 8 months & 18 days, but this smile will be different. It will be brighter, bigger, and happier. I will be happier. When I have a bad day I will have a man to talk to, not a white screen that I can tell my woes to. I will have my best friend.

However far away, I will always love him.